My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
