so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
