I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
