You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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