dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
lol hangovers are for mortals.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
