I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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