will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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