I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
