Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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