I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
