It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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