maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
