Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
