she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
