That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
