I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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