When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
