Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
