onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
