I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
