You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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