I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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