I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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