yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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