One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
