Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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