Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
