He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have aggressive nipples.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
