The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I intend to get homeless drunk
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
