Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
