no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
