My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
