so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
