I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She said her name was "party"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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