it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
