Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
