i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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