That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am spending my child support on dildos
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
