had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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