so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And then my night got REAL pukey
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
