i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
