I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Randomize
