so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
