Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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