my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
