I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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