sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
