All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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