He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
