Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
