You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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