just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
