is wine microwaveable?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
