She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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