Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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