I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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