She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
