And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
