Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
