I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
