Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
