I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
