i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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