Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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