...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
