shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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