is your mom at the bar?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
