you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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