....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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