Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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