I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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