I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
