so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
