Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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