i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
