I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
