i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
